Aspiring Serial Killer Recommends Wearing a Mask - "I can't kill you if you are already dead"

       Covid has most of the world on edge and Shawn, like many of us, are stressing over the situation with only one big exception.  Shawn is worried about Covid killing you and not him.  No, he's not worried about you dying.  He actually WANTS you to die but he wants to be the one to kill you.  Shawn is an aspiring serial killer from Toronto.  He has taken to social media to vent his frustration with the pandemic and how the Corona virus took killing right out of his hands.

  

     "I've always wanted to kill" Shawn told Horrorable News.  "I've never liked people and as I was growing up I always had to hide my blood lust from my family and friends.  I was going to make 2020 my year and begin my reign over Toronto in March but Corona closed everything down.  With everyone hiding in their home I was unable to prey on the people of the city.  Now, everyone is ignoring the mandatory masks and succumbing to it.  HOW IN THE FUCK CAN I TORTURE AND KILL YOU IF YOU DIE TO THE FUCKING CORONAVIRUS!"

     Horrorable News understands Shawn's frustrations.  Too many entitled fuck knuckles are running around snotting and breathing on people instead of wearing masks.  These same people that refuse to wear a mask don't know what a clit is and was still trying to pick up high school girls well into their 20s because women their age needed a real man.  

Man Holds Off Would Be Attacker by Reminding Him That "All Lives Matter"

     Harvey Gaines was on his way home late one night after some late night bowling with some friends when he noticed he was being followed.  When he turned around to confront his would be attacker he found himself starring at the business end of a blade.

"I was terrified.  I've heard of people having knives and guns pulled on them but I never thought I would have it happen to me" Gaines told Horrorable News.  "I just turned around and when I saw my reflection in the knife I was froze with fear. That's when he said "are you ready to die mother fucker?"  I gasped and calmly said "please don't kill me...all lives matter.  The damndest thing happened after I said that.  The man looked at his hand holding the knife and then quickly dropped it while apologizing.  He told me I was right and kept talking about how wrong it was to threaten him like that."

     

Fast Food Employee Has An Idea to Help Vinegar Syndrome Ship Out His Package Faster

     Frank Fulci, who is also known as Frightening Frankie on YouTube, has spent most of his adult life working for a popular fast food chain so Frankie knows a thing or two about good business.  This 43 year old is now acting manager for the fast food chain that he has spent 27 years working for and wants to help the boutique label Vinegar Syndrome become successful.

     "I ordered from them during their halfway to black Friday sale which was their biggest sale to date.  They had orders come in from all over the world on a release that has a huge cult following for.  That is why I believe that if they would ignore social distancing and state regulated limited occupancy laws and hire more people to help with shipping then I wouldn't have to wait like I did.  It's almost insulting that they don't want to cram more people in their building to package orders and risk exposing each other to COVID so I can get my order in what I think is a timely manner."

     Horrorable News reached out to the money grubbing Vinegar Syndrome on why they refuse to hire more employees and risk spreading Corona but we were sidetracked by the July pre-orders.