Director of Scream Inspired Slasher Comes Out as Gay; Fans Already Knew Because He Directed a Scream Inspired Slasher

 

     Director Gary Mason has a string of hits on his hands.  In 2015 he released the Scream inspired slasher Where Are You? and followed that up in 2017 with another called I'm Behind You.  Most modern horror fans like his writing style and how he mimics the classic Wes Craven film Scream along with other veritable slashers of the time that were very similar.  Films such as I Know What You Did Last Summer, Urban Legends, and Valentine. 

 

     Recently Gary appeared on the horror podcast Oh! The Horror where he discussed his career, hobbies and then revealed for the first time that he was openly gay.  "We were talking about how he loves to go to horror cons and meet new fans when he suddenly veered the conversation on his sex life and his relationship with producer Michael Baker.  He said he was keeping it a secret for fear it would ruin his career and the whole time he was talking about it I was like "I thought everyone knew he was gay?  I mean, he did make a few slashers that mirror Scream after all" said host Byron Ghoulsby.  "I just assumed he had came out on social media or in an interview somewhere.  It's common knowledge he was gay.  Doesn't change how we feel about him or anything like that.  It was just odd how he expected me to be shocked so I had to fake it somewhat, ya know?  He said it and I was like "no way, that's great." 

     

 

Gary has not responded to our interview request but we hope to speak with him soon about his third slasher Don't Turn on the Light which is scheduled to begin production this summer.  

Sexy Freddy Krueger Cosplayer Hates Girls That Dress as Slutty Freddy Krueger on Halloween

 

     Cosplayer Gloria Reynolds, aka Marigold Cosmos, is making headlines today after she turned to Twitter to vent.  She released some built up frustration today when she tweeted that she doesn't like when girls dress up as Freddy Krueger on Halloween.  Cosmos is known for gender bending various horror and anime characters while adding a sexy twist to them.  "I've cosplayed as Freddy Krueger and the Friday the 13th guy for years.  I've worked hard on my costumes and I hate watching random women go to Party City to buy these slutty versions of my creations" Cosmos told Horrorable News.  "At least I watched one of the Freddy Krueger movies and know who he is!" 

 

     Cosmos, pictured on the left, stated that all this came about when she was attending a party late last October and saw a woman wearing a costume oddly similar to her own.  "The guys were all over her because her costume with low cut.  I mean, mine is low cut but I'm more modest than her and not an attention whore." 

 

     Horrorable News was able to speak with local sorority sister Maggie O'Riley who actually dressed as Krueger last Halloween (pictured on the right).  "I think cosplayers are insecure so when they see a beautiful woman dressed as a slutty version of their favorite pop icons they feel like we are encroaching on their territory."

 

 

*Horrorable News is fans of slutty Halloween costumes and cosplaying.  In fact, every Sunday we cosplay as a slutty Johnny Wad.  

Authorities Searching for Dr. Anthro Pophagous in Connection to Underground Abortion Ring

 

 

    



     Alabama authorities are searching for an Italian doctor after they received a tip that he was running several underground abortion clinics throughout the state.  Dr. Anthro Pophagous started his practice in late 1999 but lost his license in early 2005 when several complaints were filed against him after several women lost their lives at his hands.  Now he is exploiting expecting mothers and feeding his fiendish desires. 

 

     Recent rulings in Alabama has forced women to seek abortions outside of the state while other women have turned to back alley abortions.  Sadly, many of these poor souls have found their way into the hands of Dr. Pophagous who aborts the child at no cost.  Many speculate that he sells the organs on the black market to cover the no cost abortion but some rumors are being reported that he actually eats the unborn which has earned him several gruesome nicknames like the Grim Reaper. 

 

     If you have seen Dr. Pophagous or have seen the movie please let us know. 

Lionsgate Accidentally Hires Chris Rock Instead of Jordan Peele to Reboot "SAW" Franchise

 

     Jordan Peele is on fire at the moments with, not one, but two hit films under his belt as director and the re-launching of The Twilight Zone.  He's one of the most sought after names in horror at the moment so when Lionsgate was looking to reboot Saw they turned to...Chris Rock?

 

     "It was a weird situation to be in" Natalie Newman told Horrorable News.  "I was at my desk like I always am when Chris Rock walked in.  He demanded to speak with the CEO.  I told him Jon was in a meeting and could no be disturbed but he didn't listen and burst on through the door.  Honestly, I get no respect as a secretary.  About 15 minutes later he was walking out with a big smile on his face shaking the CEO's hand.  Once Chris left on the elevator Jon said that Jordan Peele was going to change the game with his Saw idea.  I corrected him and told him that was Chris Rock.  The look of dread fell over his face and he started to stammer and stutter "you mean the Down to Earth guy?"  When I responded with "one in the same" he said "fuck it!  We will go with it!"   

 

     Horrorable News has reached out to Lionsgate CEO Jon Feltheimer and Chris Rock for comment and neither of them responded to the email we never sent. 

 

#jigsawisdead



Horror Punks Don't Watch Horror Movies; "It's a way of life"

 

     Horrorable News recently made a trip to Morgantown, WV to speak with a horror punk band that has been making headlines recently.  Last Caress is a West Virginia based horror punk band who is known throughout the east coast for their covers of Green Hell, Skulls, Devil's Whorehouse, and Brain Eaters.  "They are one of my favorite horror punk bands" said fan Clive Yuler.  "The energy they put into songs like Hybrid Moments and We Are 138 is unparalleled in the horror punk scene.  They truly are original and unlike any other band I've seen live."

 

Horrorable News sat down with Last Caress to talk music but learned so much more about this three piece.  "Horror punk has always been a part of our lives.  We are all childhood friends.  We met around 1st of 2nd grade and we are inseparable.  We became interested in music when John got a guitar for Christmas and I asked for a drum set for my birthday the following year" said drummer Sir Lloyd Frankenstein.  "We try to keep that raw horror punk form alive so we only play Misfits covers.  We believe original horror punk songs only water down the scene." 

 

Horrorable News then asked Last Caress what makes them love horror so much.  "We don't.  We hate horror.  Horror punk is about romanticism with the dark side of life but horror movies are so lame, man.  It's romcoms or bust!."

 





Alabama Lawmakers Make All Abortions Legal After Watching A Serbian Film

     Alabama lawmakers made national headlines yesterday when they banned abortions in almost all instances including cases of rape and incest.  This has drawn heat from both political parties, as well as, some prominent religious figures.

 

     Today the state is once again making headlines after pulling a 180 and making all abortions legal and we have Alabama's State Film Treasurer Barton Hyatt to thank for that.  "We are living in 2019 and this state that I love just jumped backward 100 years.  I love the state but I couldn't sit here and let women's rights be taken away from a panel of white men!  I had two ideas that might work.  The first was to play their game.  They banned abortion so I thought we could start a social media campaign to have every white woman in the country sleep with a minority until they become impregnated which would force them to reinstate abortions.  There is nothing a white politician hates more than a white woman carrying a Mexican or African American baby.  OR I could use my power as the State's Film Treasurer and show the governor and other figureheads A Serbian Film.  I went with the latter because it was a more direct approach that wouldn't take 9 months" Barton told Horrorable News.   

 

The state capital is a mess this morning.  Many prominent politicians did not show today with some stating they are still sick from the film.  "The film did what I had hoped it would but we now face a bigger problem.  There is talks now that they are working on an extreme horror ban after these lawmakers watched A Serbian Film.  I don't want to be that guy but I'd rather watch horror movies..."



Horror Fans Shocked When Detective Pikachu Accidentally Plays in the Theater and Not Curse of La Llorona

 

     The Hicks family out of New York decided to take a trip to the movies on Sunday.  What was supposed to be a fun time for the family quickly took a dark turn.  They settled into their seats with candy and popcorn when the emotional ride was laid before them.  "It was like something you would read about online and we were powerless to prevent it" John Hicks told Horrorable News.  "I took my wife and our two kids to the movies to watch something fun that the whole family would enjoy and before we knew it Detective Pikachu starts playing.  My kids were physically upset during the opening credits but we couldn't move.  We had our candy and popcorn on our laps.  We were trapped and had to listen to Green Lantern bark off one liners."

 

It is expected that the Hicks family will seek legal action after the events that took place on Sunday.  "My son has been yelling peeka peeka for hours while kicking me in the crotch and my poor daughter now thinks she can sing and has been chanting jigg-a-ly since the film.  This is going to take some time to get through and cost us a lot of money in doctor visits."



Man With Small Penis Buys All the Limited Edition Releases to Sell on eBay to Fund Surgery

 

     Horror fans are rabid and most have the collecting mentality.  They want the best version of their favorite films and some are not afraid to fork out a little extra cash for those special limited edition sets.  Some of these limited edition sets quickly sell out and we can thank the Texas born entrepreneur Travis Milner for that.  

 

     Travis was born with a medical condition known as micro-penis where his penis, while soft, will retract into his body.  "I've struggled with intimacy for years now.  I can't let my partner see me with the lights out for fear they will leave" Travis told Horrorable News. "I've collected for most of my adult life and I love these limited edition releases from companies like Arrow Video, Scream Factory, Severin Films, Vinegar Syndrome and so on.  I noticed while collecting these releases that some others are pretty hardcore about collecting as well.  That's when I got the idea to buy as many of these releases as I can then flip them on eBay for a hefty profit.  I need the money for my surgery which would not only benefit myself by my partner as well." 

 

Horrorable News asked Travis how he can take advantage of fans and collectors like himself and he replied with "they are the ones paying the prices I set them for on eBay.  No one is twisting their arms to pay the extra $60 to $100 I add to the price.  If they are willing to pay it then I'm going to sell it to them."

 

Travis is now just a few $100 short from his goal to get the surgery and is expected to get it with the limited edition Texas Chainsaw Massacre 3 sleeve from Severin Films that recently debuted at a con.  He is now selling them for $100 a piece.  Horrorable News hopes he is able to get his surgery and it turns out well for him.  We heard it makes it lumpier and not longer but we still wish the best for him and his partner.  

Extreme Horror Fan Can Only Climax While Watching The Vomit Gore Trilogy

 

     Extreme horror fans are known for being hardcore.  Sure, all the extreme horror films are the same and feature an overabundance of gore and no story but they have a more symbolic meaning...or so I'm told.  Extreme horror fans often bash the more mainstream horror films for being mild and look down on genre fans if they've never seen a real "snuff" film that they ordered on ebay from a seller in Japan.  Extreme horror fans are a different breed and one fan is making headlines for being too extreme.

  

     Harley Cooper is known throughout extreme horror forums as GxreCxntPxncher and has been active in the underground horror community for several years.  It wasn't until recently that Harley opened up on the popular extreme horror forum horrorshitpoop.com and revealed to friends online that he has watched so many extreme horror films that he can no longer ejaculate unless he is watching the popular underground fetish films known as the Vomit Gore Trilogy.  "I was with my ex girlfriend at the time and I just couldn't get it up.  We both had met on an underground horror site.  Her name was fecalfetuswhore and we clicked right away.  We had hooked up a few times but this time something was wrong.  I just couldn't get the blood pumping so she suggested we relax and watch a movie.  Her favorite movie was Slaughtered Vomit Dolls so we decided to go with that.  The next thing I knew I had a full on rager and we banged it out right there watching it" Harley told Horrorable News.  "Now I can't even wank without tossing in one of the movies.  I had to buy a portable dvd player to take on dates because I never know when I'm going to get some parking lot head."  Horrorable News suggested that Harley visit a doctor or possibly a professional about this disorder and he stated "my good friend bloodmonkey69 is going through the same thing with August Underground so it's totally cool.  Just a major inconvenience." 

 

     We reached out to a medical professional who is concerned for Harley, his friend, and any other extreme horror fan who suffers from Immabettadanyou syndrome.  These individuals may not know they are sick so they need you to help them make the call to see a physician.  You need to look for someone that considers extreme horror superior to other horror films, often refers to other genre films as gay or stupid, smells their own farts, and often shares pictures of real gore on social media.  If you know someone that meets this criteria please speak with them about seeking help. 

 

 





Indie Filmmaker to Make Groundbreaking Documentary About VHS Collecting

 

     Aspiring indie filmmaker Maynard Simpson is trying to break new ground and raise funds for his documentary The VHS Collector which will feature interviews with members of several VHS collecting groups along with filmmakers and distribution companies that remember the golden age of VHS.  "I think this is a genius idea and a topic that is very passionate to not only horror collectors but VHS collectors in general" Maynard told Horrorable News.  "I've collected VHS for years and I would hope to interview people like Josh from VHS Lunchmeat, the people at Horror Boobs, Charles Band and his opening of Wizard Home Video, Lloyd Kaufman, and some major collectors that are active in the VHS groups on Facebook."

 

  Horrorable News believes this is a fantastic idea and asked if he would be using the same format as VHS Lives, VHS Massacre, Rewind This! and Adjust Your Tracking?  At this point in our interview Maynard became confused and ignored the question by saying "this is a revolutionary idea that has never been done.  The world is unaware that VHS collecting is still a thing!  This documentary will bring a new focus to it and inspire others to start collecting.  This could be the push the community needs to force companies to release new movies on VHS!  Once this is completed I would love for Troma to release it considering how The Toxic Avenger was such a staple of the local ma and pop video stores."  Horrorable News reminded Maynard that Troma has already released the VHS collecting documentary VHS Massacre.  This ended the interview and Maynard urinated on my poodle. 

 

     



"That's Gay" Guy Ready to Tell You Trailer for It: Chapter 2 Looks Gay

 



     Horror fans are on the edge of their seat waiting for the release of It: Chapter 2 but for Ronny Dillon this release just means he has more work to do.

 

Ronny was born in Florida but has since relocated to the mid-west where he has earned the reputation for letting friends and family members know if something is gay or not.  "This wasn't something I was expecting people to rely on, ya know" Ronny told Horrorable News.  "My friends were always talking about this or that movie and I had to tell them.  Now they rely on me to tell them if something is gay or not."

 

    The trailer for the new chapter to Stephen King's It is expected to drop today and many are looking at Ronny.  "Its a lot of responsibility.  I'm stressed and overworked as it is with all these gay ass movies like Endgame and that new Conjuring bullshit.  Now, they surprised us with the trailer for Chapter 2.  If I don't tell them its gay then how will they know?  For fucks sake!"

Horror Fan Makes Post About Jeepers Creepers For Attention; Admits to Being Lonely

 

     

     You don't have to be a fan of horror to know that director turned piece of shit Victor Salva is a walking used tampon.  I'll save you some time from googling this by telling you that he is a convicted child molester who also directed the three Jeepers Creepers films.  Some argue that he did his time and paid his dues while other's stand by their "once a piece of shit always a piece of shit" mantra.  Regardless of where you stand on the debate we can all admit that what Salva did was horrible and nothing can be done to redeem him.

 

     Our story today actually follows horror fan Tracy Daniels from Ottawa.  Tracy grew up watching horror films with his grandmother and when she passed he inherited the home.  Now Tracy lives there alone and has no real friends.  He relies on social media for his social interactions but struggles to find common ground among Facebook users his age.  To spice up his Facebook he has resorted to a tactic now being called Salvabaiting.  Lonely horror fans often go to horror groups on Facebook and post a still, poster, or trailer to one of the Jeepers Creepers films typically with no context.  If they do write something its something simple along the lines of "what are your thoughts on this film" or "I love this film, what do you think?"  These individuals then wait an extended period of time which is usually 12 hours or so and if the admin of the group hasn't deleted the post they will return to read the comments from their "friends."  "I know the film is a hot button topic among horror fans" Tracy told Horrorable News.  "Honestly, I hate the movie but its the best way for people to notice me.  This is the horror community's version of the unsolicited dick pic and it works.  I can go days or even weeks without a notification and when I check my phone after waiting 12 hours from the initial post I can have anywhere from 300 to 500 notifications and at least several dozen messages from members in the group." 

 

This tactic has worked on several levels for Tracy.  Not only does he get the attention he seeks but he has uncovered a secret Facebook group consisting of others that share controversial posts looking for attention.  "I found brothers and sisters and I didn't know I had by sharing a Jeepers Creepers trailer every 6 months in horror groups.  We spend hours talking about horror and ourselves" Tracy commented. 

If you see these posts in the hundreds upon hundreds of horror groups on Facebook please be sure to comment on them.  Horrorable News has done some research and the best way to respond to these posts is to type word for word what the person above you has typed.  This shows that not only have you not read the comments and it shows others after you that you are the smartest person to comment on the thread. 


*Horrorable News is aware that people will read the headline and not actually read this satirical article.  They will then proceed to tell you how Salva is a piece of shit.  Please do the right thing and show these individuals some attention.  They need it just as much as the person sharing the trailer and poster for these films.  Thanks.     

     

Overweight Horror Fan Binges Mick Garris Films; Dies from Farts

 

     It's a sad day for the horror community when one of their own went to the great video store in the sky.  Today Horrorable News was informed that 34 year old Nathan Craig has passed away.  Craig, who was a native of Kansas, had a three day weekend and decided to binge watch some films from director turned podcaster Mick Garris. 

 

"He was looking forward to this weekend.  He had recently placed an order at Scream Factory and got the Critters box set along with Sleepwalkers.  He then found The Stand and The Shining on DVD at Wal-Mart" his mother Joyce told Horrorable News.  He went to his room last night with some Uncrustables, a 2 liter of Mountain Dew, and his stack of movies and when I checked on him this morning he was not responding."

 

"It was a large buildup of methane" Sheriff Tucker told us.  We see this sometimes among bigger horror fans who try to binge the entertaining but easily forgettable films of Mick Garris.  It always starts with Riding the Bullet and the gas build up and by the time they make it to Chocolate the viewer is farting uncontrollably." 

 

Horrorable News wants to warn fans to only watch films from Mick Garris in an open room with natural air flow.  Never lock yourself into a confined space while watching these films.  Especially the King adaptations.  Remember, horror is fun but safety should always come first.  



Horror Fan Believes Fake News Article; Angry Comments Followed

 

     Horror fan and basement dweller David Cartwright is making headlines this week when he mistakenly fell victim to the satire news article "Horror Hipster Claims "Remake Raped My Childhood" when it was shared to a movie collecting group.  What happened next shocked the horror community.

 

     The satirical article in question, from the fake news site Horrorable News, used the image of a film reviewer that then became the focus of the hate.  "Most people could tell it was satire but there was some people like David who got caught up in it.  He was angry and he let that flow in the comments" said witness Shelly Reynolds who is also a member of the group.   "His comment paved the way for other knuckle draggers to follow" she said while laughing at the ordeal.  "The admins then joined in and it was apparent that they could not tell the article was satire either.  What made it even funnier was that several members of the group actually agreed with the article by declaring they can no longer watch films they once loved before because a remake that has not been released yet ruined it for them.  Shit was hilarious but it was strange seeing a community that is known for it's unity and compassion suddenly turn rabid."

 

Horrorable News was contacted on the matter about their fake news post and they responded with "itsy bitsy teenie weenie yellow polkadot bikini." 

 

If you was a witness to the debacle please reach out to use for an interview.  

Man Hospitalized After Ending to Stephen King's Tommyknockers Was Spoiled on Social Media (Warning: Spoilers)

     This story starts late last week when Reginald Hammons of Louisiana was out with his wife of 7 years visiting a local flea market when he stumbled across a table with various novels for a quarter a piece.   Among the stack was several novels from master of horror Stephen King.  He grabbed what ones he could with the change in his pocket and returned home eager to curl up under a warm blanket and read.

He started with King's 1987 sci-fi classic Tommyknockers.  He was only able to get a few chapters in before his wife forced him to do chores around the house.  While resting, and thinking about Bruce Banner and Black Widow's death in Engame, he decided to browse Facebook on his phone when it happened.

A friend of a friend had befriended him on Facebook several years ago.  "I don't really know the man but my friend said he was cool" Hammons told Horrorable News.  "I was just scrolling along when I saw it.  It was directly under a video my aunt shared from her church service last Sunday and above an anti-vaxxer meme.  I honestly couldn't believe my eyes.  This monster was irresponsible and completely gave away the ending.  I couldn't breathe.  I called for my wife but I didn't have a voice and then I collapsed."

Tommyknockers is essential reading for horror and sci-fi fans and the ending should never be spoiled for new-comers.  I mean, it's not like its Jorah Mormont. 

*Disclaimer - Horrorable News is not a satire news site.  These are real headlines with real news.  Please share to various horror groups and pages for respectful and genuine comments.

Once again, not satire.  Not Satire.