Pride Month: Man Sick of Gay Horror Movies to Make Straight Pride Slasher

 

     Terry Baker of Ohio is making national news after revealing yesterday that he was making a hetero-slasher for horror fans that feel repressed by the current wave of LGBT pride.  The news broke just days after several men who felt guilty for masturbating to trap porn on PornHub announced that they would be hosting a straight pride parade in Boston. 

 

     "I'm not afraid of them" said Terry to Horrorable News.  "So it can't be called being homophobic.  I'm just sick of all the gay pride stuff.  I'm straight and proud too but I don't go waiving it around in your face all the time.  Now companies are making movies just for gays.  We Have The Babadook, last year's Halloween, Killer Unicorn, and anything attached to Blumehouse.  It's ridiculous.  Straight men need a horror movie that we can get behind.  That's why I'm going to make a slasher for straight men.  It's going to have boobs, blood, a masked killer, more boobs, and gore.  Men are going to love it.  When its finished I will invite all my straight male friends to my house for a private screening.  My rooms kinda small so we will have to say "no homo" when we sit next to each other but that's cool because the movie will have plenty of boobs."

 

     We spoke with Terry's mother Martha about her son's views on LGBT pride and she said she was "ashamed of my little Terry.  He grew up with a gay uncle and his younger sister is also gay.  She volunteers all over the country for different LGBT organizations.  I think that he feels left out because she gets to visit all these amazing places doing something she is passionate about and the only thing he has to look forward to is new DLC maps for Call of Duty.  Poor guy really has it rough since his fiancée left him last fall after he asked her to cuck him." 

 

Horrorable News will be following this film through the various stages so stay tuned for more on Terry and his slasher BIG BREASTED WOMEN GET CUT IN THE WOODS.   



Mom Wants Son to Hook Up VCR to Watch Old Home Videos; Son Recorded Over Them with Monstervision

 

      A Kentucky mother is waiting for her son to hook up their old VCR so she can watch home videos.  "I would record everything" said 63 year old Debra Anchors.  "I asked him several days ago to hook it up so we can his sister's birthday parties that I filmed when she was little for her upcoming party but he just changes the subject or acts too busy for me."

 

     Horrorable News was able to track down Debra's son Michael on the matter.  "Yea, I don't think I'll be hooking it up for her and I took the cable so no one else can" Michael told Horrorable News.  "When I was in high school I recorded over those with episodes of Monstervision to watch later but I never did watch them again.  When mom finds out I did this she will literally kill me or stop paying my cell phone bill.  I want to hold off as long as I can before telling her." 

 

Horrorable News will be following this story closely and will report back when something unfolds.   



Man is Still Waiting for His Vinegar Syndrome Order

 

     It's been a little over a week since the sale for Vinegar Syndrome's Halfway to Black Friday has ended and movie collector Caleb Franklin is still waiting on his order.  Caleb, who was cursed with having two first names, is becoming severely frustrated with the wait and has turned to social media to vent his frustrations. 

 

     "I've been waiting like two weeks or something stupid like that" Caleb told Horrorable News.  "I order from Amazon like all the time and I've never had to wait this long.  They couldn't have had that many orders before I placed my order.  I mean, they have a shipping department don't they?  That's why I went to the various horror groups to vent my frustration.  I mean, sure, I could check their website or email them directly but I prefer to go to these horror collector groups and shit talk.  It's a lot more effective than actually going straight to the source."

 

     Horrorable News was going to reach out to Vinegar Syndrome for a comment on the matter but we decided against it.  Vin Syn is a small company that has to process hundreds of orders that ship all over the country.  They have their hands full and we did not want to bother them because a few douche bags have no patience.   



Breaking: Tom Savini Has Dyed in His Work Shop

 

     It is now being reported that special effects master and horror icon Tom Savini, 72, has in fact dyed in his workshop.  Witnesses are telling various news sources that the actor, director, and special effects wizard was working in his shop when he dyed.  Savini is known for doing effects for films Dawn of the Dead, Prowler, Friday the 13th, Creepshow, and many more.  Savini is also known for directing the 1990 remake of Night of the Living Dead and acting in the films From Dusk Till Dawn, The Ripper, and Planet Terror. 

 

     "I'm confused how this is actually newsworthy" said Savini's Pittsburgh neighbor Lora Matheson.  "He has done several amazing things in his workshop.  He's worked with latex, wood, foam, and fabric.  When the fabric he is working with is not the right color or shade he has been known to dye it or distress it to get his desired color."

 

 

**Horrorable News knows this is a cheap ploy to cash in on a clickbait title for views.  However, this is the first time this has been used and you should ignore the other articles that are similar about Betty White, Fran Drescher, Hulk Hogan and so on.  Totally original here. 

     



Editorial: The Guy That Plays Beetlejuice Should Be Batman

     Batman is one of the most popular comic characters in history.  Fans love the dark knight and every so often the character is rebooted to give fans a fresh take on the character along with lining the pockets of those involved with more cash.  While many speculate who will take over the mantle of Batman I suggest we give the man responsible for Beetlejuice a chance. 

 

     The Beetlejuice character is always funny and the man responsible for his success knows no limits when it comes to onscreen commitment.  He will do whatever it takes to make it work.  That is why I suggest to WB that Lester Green should be their next Batman.  Sure, it's an unconventional approach to Batman but I personally think he would do a fantastic job. 

 

 





Director of Scream Inspired Slasher Comes Out as Gay; Fans Already Knew Because He Directed a Scream Inspired Slasher

 

     Director Gary Mason has a string of hits on his hands.  In 2015 he released the Scream inspired slasher Where Are You? and followed that up in 2017 with another called I'm Behind You.  Most modern horror fans like his writing style and how he mimics the classic Wes Craven film Scream along with other veritable slashers of the time that were very similar.  Films such as I Know What You Did Last Summer, Urban Legends, and Valentine. 

 

     Recently Gary appeared on the horror podcast Oh! The Horror where he discussed his career, hobbies and then revealed for the first time that he was openly gay.  "We were talking about how he loves to go to horror cons and meet new fans when he suddenly veered the conversation on his sex life and his relationship with producer Michael Baker.  He said he was keeping it a secret for fear it would ruin his career and the whole time he was talking about it I was like "I thought everyone knew he was gay?  I mean, he did make a few slashers that mirror Scream after all" said host Byron Ghoulsby.  "I just assumed he had came out on social media or in an interview somewhere.  It's common knowledge he was gay.  Doesn't change how we feel about him or anything like that.  It was just odd how he expected me to be shocked so I had to fake it somewhat, ya know?  He said it and I was like "no way, that's great." 

     

 

Gary has not responded to our interview request but we hope to speak with him soon about his third slasher Don't Turn on the Light which is scheduled to begin production this summer.  

Sexy Freddy Krueger Cosplayer Hates Girls That Dress as Slutty Freddy Krueger on Halloween

 

     Cosplayer Gloria Reynolds, aka Marigold Cosmos, is making headlines today after she turned to Twitter to vent.  She released some built up frustration today when she tweeted that she doesn't like when girls dress up as Freddy Krueger on Halloween.  Cosmos is known for gender bending various horror and anime characters while adding a sexy twist to them.  "I've cosplayed as Freddy Krueger and the Friday the 13th guy for years.  I've worked hard on my costumes and I hate watching random women go to Party City to buy these slutty versions of my creations" Cosmos told Horrorable News.  "At least I watched one of the Freddy Krueger movies and know who he is!" 

 

     Cosmos, pictured on the left, stated that all this came about when she was attending a party late last October and saw a woman wearing a costume oddly similar to her own.  "The guys were all over her because her costume with low cut.  I mean, mine is low cut but I'm more modest than her and not an attention whore." 

 

     Horrorable News was able to speak with local sorority sister Maggie O'Riley who actually dressed as Krueger last Halloween (pictured on the right).  "I think cosplayers are insecure so when they see a beautiful woman dressed as a slutty version of their favorite pop icons they feel like we are encroaching on their territory."

 

 

*Horrorable News is fans of slutty Halloween costumes and cosplaying.  In fact, every Sunday we cosplay as a slutty Johnny Wad.