Universal's The Hunt Commits Suicide; Jeffrey Epstein Hilary Clinton Clickbait

 

     More on the story can be found here.



Texas Man Has 5 Months to Prepare His "Die Hard is a Christmas Movie" Argument

 

 

     Texas born Richard Clyburn is a product of the late 70s and cut his teeth on action and horror movies of the 80s.  Every Christmas season Richard glues himself to his Samsung Galaxy S9 and waits patiently for friends of his on Facebook to mention Christmas movies.  It's then that he pounces.  Armed with only his index finger and the grammar of a sixth grader from rural North Carolina, Richard sets out to do the lords work.  "People forget that Die Hard IS a Christmas movie and from Thanksgiving to Christmas it's my job to tell them that" Richard told Horrorable News.  "When people ask their friends on Facebook what their favorite Christmas movie to watch during the season is I have to say "Die Hard is a Christmas movie."  It may not be my favorite Christmas movie but I it's my job to do it."

 

     Sadly, Richard is not the only one that waits for these type of statuses.  Others, like New Jersey's Mike Roland comments on similar posts because he finds it funny.  "It technically is a Christmas movie but I don't care for it.  It's kind of stupid if you really ask me.  Personally, I prefer the Hallmark Christmas movies."

 

     Christmas is just 5 months away and no one contests that Die Hard is a Christmas movie.  With that being said, just don't this Christmas season.  We ALL know it's a Christmas movie so just cut it out with the "Die Hard is a Christmas movie" bullshit.  

Soska Sisters Banned From Twitter; Crazy Ralph Still Can't Remember His Facebook Password

 

     Jen and Sylvia Soska, known collectively as the Soska Sisters, are Canadian born filmmakers known for their films American Mary, Dead Hooker in a Trunk, and See No Evil 2.  They made national headlines recently when they started promoting their upcoming remake of Rabid on Twitter and one of their images landed them in hot water with the social media giant.  "We shared a still from the film trying to stir up some buzz when Twitter banned our joint account" Jen told Horrorable News.  "If we were nude or posing topless with a product for an ad we would be fine but sharing art will get you in trouble with Twitter" Sylvia added. 

 

     The Soskas are not the only ones struggling with social media.  Crazy Ralph of Crystal Lake has been locked out of his Facebook page for 2 years now.  "I want to be able to join back up with my friends and warn them but Facebook changed my password without telling me.  I know my password but they refuse to take it" Crazy Ralph said.  "Facebook as a whole is a curse on mankind.  A death curse..."



Jason Blume Promises Next 2 Halloween Films WIll Not Suck; Maury Determined That Was a Lie

 

     Last week news spread that Jamie Lee Curtis was out of the new Halloween sequel and replaced with The Little Mermaid's Halle Bailey.  Now Jason Blume and his Blumehouse label has announced that the Halloween sequel will come in two parts.  Titled Halloween Kills and Halloween Ends, these two film once again follow Michael Myers as he terrorizes Haddonfield. 

 

     "This time we want to give fans a Halloween they will never forget.  We are throwing continuity out the window and going balls out for the fans.  Blood, boobs, and more blood will cover the screen" Blume told Horrorable News.  "I want horror fans to enjoy Halloween and only I can give them that movie!"

 

     We asked Blume to meet with us so we could prove that he was telling the truth.  He agreed so we met with television host Maury Povich who is known for using DNA and lie detector tests to determine fraud and paternity on show.  We then asked Blume several questions.  The results were shocking.

 

     "It was obvious during the interview that Jason Blume was only releasing the film to capitalize on the fan base" Maury told Horrorable News.  "Every question that was asked that focused on what the fans wanted came back negative.  When we asked monetary questions they would come back positive and that showed this was only a cash cow for Blumehouse.  We did uncover that he plans on giving the viewers the same story from the first film, Rob Zombie's remake, and the reboot from last year with Halloween Kills followed by that same story yet again in Halloween Ends.  If those do well at the box office and home video Blumehouse will release Halloween Night and Halloween Candy yet again with the same story."

 

     



Man That Only Eats Fried Chicken and Doritos is Pissed Over Fright Rags Selling Plus Size Shirts for Additional Charge

 

    Many Americans struggle with their weight but for Tennessee's Mike Rhodes his struggle comes at a price.  Mike has been overweight most of his life and, and like most horror fans, he likes to buy shirts, hoodies, and other apparel that represent his love of horror.  "I love horror shirts with shit like the tall man, Suspiria, and Day of the Dead on them" Mike told Horrorable News.  "I used to buy shirts from places like Rotten Cotton, Punkstuff, and others but they never have my size in stock anymore.  I started buying the high quality shirts from Fright Rags but in recent years they started charging an additional fee for bigger sizes.  Like I have that kind of money just laying around.  By the time I buy my breakfast from Chik-Fil-A, my lunch from Taco Bell, and have Papa John's deliver my dinner I'm usually tapped for cash!  It's so stupid.  Fright Rags needs to consider the amount of money people make in this fucking economy!"

 

     Horrorable News reached out to Fright Rags for a comment on why they are discriminating against their bigger fans by asking more money for a shirt.  Sure, it takes more fabric to cover their big asses but they didn't ask to be fat.  Burgers are cheaper than salads!  Fright Rags, we ask you to do the right thing and start charging more for smaller sizes.  The people that buy them are already saving money by eating less!

Pet Sematary (2019) Directors Cut Blu-Ray to feature lost Zelda dance routine

Looks like Paramount is going for the ole double dip again.

Hot on the heels of it's recent release of the Pet Sematary remake, the company, licking its wounds at the films poor box office performance, caved into the the public's demands and are giving them the full uncut director approved edition of the movie. This edition is complete with the highly publicized, and controversial exclusion of the famous scene in the book where the spooky character Zelda, everyone's favorite twisted demon lady, breaks into a very sensual dance routine.

Legendarily choreographed by Russian ballet dancer Mikhail Baryshnikov, it was spoke of by everyone in the cast to be the most moving dance routine ever danced in the history of dance.  Stephen King admitted "It's exactly how I imagined it when I originally wrote the book.  In fact, it's the only part of the book I remember writing.  That's how moving it was!!"

Only coming out in a double disc, ultimate steelbook, Blu-Ray/DVD/Digital Combo pack, the release is looking to retail at $75 with a limited run of 1500 copies.

"This is the ultimate in soul crushingly sensual horror" King told Horrorable News.

3 From Hell Releases New Trailer and Brave Man on Social Media Knows It Sucks Without Seeing It; Mother to Blame for Saying His Opinion Matters

 

     Rob Zombie is known  the world over for many reasons.  His musical career has spanned for over 30 years with a dozen albums and EPs with his band White Zombie before branching out as a solo artist and releasing 6 more.  With such a musical career like his one would expect him to have no free time but Rob Zombie has managed to work in 8 feature length films. 

 

     His most recent film, 3 From Hell, once again follows the Firefly family who he made famous in his films House of 1000 Corpses and The Devil's Rejects.  Zombie released a teaser several weeks ago which left fans feeling underwhelmed.  Some took to Facebook to vent their frustration for the teaser and Zombie heard them.  Today he released a full trailer for the film and one brave horror fan stands firm with his stance.  "I know the movie will suck" Martin Berger told Horrorable News today.  "I've only watch one or two of Rob Zombie's movies so I know all the others suck hairy balls.  I've seen several people share the trailer on Facebook today so I've been very busy commenting about how bad this movie is.   I do get the smart ass response here and there about how I should wait to see the film before I make a comment on it but that's fucking stupid.  Zombie sucks and so does his movies!"

 

     Many social media users are confused by the response of Berger and hundreds like him that think what they have to say matters.  Scientists at SSU has concluded that most Facebook users just don't give a fuck what they think. 

 

     Regardless of where you stand on the new Rob Zombie film we can all agree that it has to be better than Halloween II. 

  

     



Little Mermaid Star Halle Bailey to Replace Jamie Lee Curtis in Third Halloween 2

 

     

     Blumehouse is all for milking franchises for every penny they are worth.  After announcing a reboot to Paranormal Activity they are moving forward with not one but two Halloween sequels that no one has asked for.  In a controversial last minute casting decision Blumehouse and director David Gordon Green has decided to replace legendary scream queen Jamie Lee Curtis with up and coming actress Halle Bailey who made a splash when she was cast as Ariel for Disney's The Little Mermaid.  "No one knew who she was last week and Disney made the announcement the internet has lost its fucking mind" Jason Blume told Horrorable News while ingesting a bag full of his own farts.  "This little lady is on fire and that's exactly what we need for this franchise that we keep poaching.  We need someone that can carry this series for another 20 years with at least one more reboot and Curtis just doesn't have that kind of longevity."

     Horrorable News asked Blume what Blumehouse planned on doing with the story in the upcoming film and he replied "continuity is out the window at this point.  Fans just want Michael Myers slashing his way through people.  I know this will hurt Curtis but she can speak with Josh Hartnett on how he had to deal with being cut from a legendary franchise."

     Right now there is rumors that Myers will be portrayed this time by iconic actor Samuel L. Jackson but that has yet to be confirmed. 

Overly Opinionated Middle-Aged Man Hates Lib-Tards, Stranger Things, and His Ex-Wife

 

     Ivan Raggly is a cable installer for CET Cable out of Florida.  He recently joined the ranks of millions when joined Facebook and this access has given him the chance to share his opinion on everything with his friends and family.  Sadly, Raggly doesn't know when to stop.  He has to share his opinion on everything which has lost him several friends since joining the social media giant in March. 

 

     "There is too many sheeple out here that are just too sensitive and wanting handouts" Raggly told Horrorable News.  "When I joined Facebook I saw all these people complaining about OUR president.  He's our president and we need to do as he says.  ICE is doing their job of keeping our children safe and out of the hands of MS13.  We have these lib-tards crying because they don't like our laws but in reality they are just too sensitive.  Then, everyone was ranting and raving about Stranger Things.  I set up at Netflix account and within the first few episodes I watched a group of kids help an illegal alien escape her camp.  Netflix is teaching our children to break the law!  While I have a second I also want to say something to my ex-wife.  Darcy, I know it's you that keeps taking my Trump 2020 and I Support ICE signs out of my yard.  The court said I can't be within 100 feet of you and that means you can't be within 100 feet of me.  Steal it again and I'll tell the kids how we used to let our old neighbor Floyd cuck me, you old whore."

 

     If you are friends with an older uncle, aunt, or friends of the family that have similar views it is best to use the "select friends" option on Facebook so these highly opinionated people can't see your post.  If they cant see it then they can't comment something slightly racist or demeaning for generations younger than them.  Remember, these people grew up thinking Clint Eastwood was attractive.  Yes, even the men secretly thought that as well.    So we shouldn't judge them for their bad taste. 

#Russiaforthewin



Overweight Man Spent Money on VIP Pass But Did Not Save Money for Deodorant; Major Cause of Con Musk

 

     

     Horror is a way of life for fat horror fan Milton Stanley.  Stanley, a native of Virginia, has been attending horror cons for well over 10 years and always splurges for the VIP pass when he visits.  "I know it's pricey but you get a great deal with those passes" Stanley told Horrorable News.  "You get in an hour early to walk around.  The guests and vendors are still sitting up so you don't get to meet the celebrities or buy stuff beforehand but it's cool to walk around.  The biggest bummer is you still pay the same prices for photos with the celebrities but it's cool to have the lanyard showing you have the pass."

 

     Stanley is a working man who lives paycheck to paycheck so when he buys these passes he often breaks himself.  "yea, it taps me.  I usually just have enough money to get the autographs I want and gas money.  That's it.  Then I borrow some cash from mom until payday."  Because he budgets so tightly he often forgets to leave some money for toiletries and deodorants.  "I shower daily and always wash my clothes so a few hours without deodorant won't kill me.  I know it gets hot while standing in line but it's impossible for me to stink if I've taken a shower that morning."

 

     Horrorable News would like to remind horror fans that deodorant is cheap and should be applied several times a day to cover con musk.  Please be considerate of others. 

 

 

     

Midsommar Director Ari Aster to Remake Nothing But Trouble; Promises Not to Be As Funny As Hereditary

 

Director Ari Aster is making quite the name for himself among horror fans.   He recently directed the summer's surprise hit Midsommar after his 2018 hit Hereditary which is leaving several horror fans shocked.  Right now Aster could do no wrong and Blumehouse is optioning to have him direct a remake of the film made famous by Chevy Chase and Dan Aykroyd. 

 

     Blumehouse founder and producer Jason Blume stated that "Aster is the perfect candidate to reboot this underrated black comedy.  His humor is subtle but always finds it's audience that is why he is going to be perfect."  Horrorable News agrees about the humor in Aster's films and we award Aster with funniest death for his scene in Hereditary where Charlie is decapitated with the pole.  Classic slapstick at it's finest.

 

     "I don't want it to be too funny" Aster told Horrorable News.  "I want to keep the humor light like my previous films but make Nothing But Trouble darker and with more political sub-plots.  I want to make the junkyard twins Bobo and Lil Debbull like Trump and Hilary with the two always fighting over the same things while thinking it's different." 

 

Horrorable News is very excited to see this film.  Honestly, Hereditary is extremely overrated and almost unwatchable but we have to pretend to like it so those high on their own brand of farts wont bash us for "not getting it" on social media.  Anyway, keep up the lords work Ari Aster!



Special Effects Artist and Director Marcus Koch to Retire from Horror to Focus on Being A Pastry Chef

 

     Marcus Koch has carved his name into horror history over the course of his career.  He has directed the unforgettable films Rot, 100 Tears, and American Guinea Pig: Bloodshock, as well as, contributed special effects to the films Death-Scort Service, Her Name Was Torment 2, Song of Solomon, Death House and many more.  Marcus is an unstoppable force within the indie horror community and that is why his leaving is such a shock to horror fans.  "My heart just wasn't in it anymore" Marcus told Horrorable News.

 

     Marcus' career has spanned over 20 years but to him "it was never meant to be a permanent thing.  I just wanted to focus on the culinary arts but my friends were avid horror fans and would drag me along to do their films.  I was secretly taking classes to be a pastry chef and the things I was learning in these classes was actually making me a better at practical effects.  The better I got at cooking the better at practical effects I was getting which created a demand for my work.  More indie filmmakers were contacting me to work on their films.  One was feeding the other and pushing me further and further down the rabbit hole that I never wanted to be a part of to begin with.   I struggled with latex for the longest time but when I learned how to cut and shape fondant icing for cakes I was able to apply that technique to latex and soon I was building elaborate gags for the American Guinea Pig series for Stephen Biro."

 

     "I'm not entirely turning my back on horror" Marcus added.    "I still want to be active on film sets but the food services is where my true passion lies.  Now, if you can excuse me I need to finish the baklava for Felissa Rose."

Dark Force Entertainment Promises Tomorrow for Release of Dead Pit; Real Date Set for the Fall

 

     Dark Force Entertainment and Code Red has partnered to release the 1989 horror film The Dead Pit.  The original plan was to have a slipcover that would light up in similar fashion to the old Frankenhooker VHS.  When they failed to recreate what a VHS big box could do almost 30 years ago they decided to go a different route.  This time they planned a glow in the dark slipcover similar to the old Goosebumps folders and notebooks from the 90s.  Well, this turned into bigger than expected task when they tried to recreate technology that was used massively 20 years ago.

 

      The setbacks has caused Dark Force and Code Red to push the release back until tomorrow.  Tomorrow was first announced 6 or so days ago and that is still the general answer being thrown around social media.  Many codebreakers have concluded that this release is actually scheduled for October but Dark Force wants to keep the excitement up by claiming tomorrow for the release everyday until the actual release.

 

     Those that question Dark Force and their drunken banana mascot find themselves placed on "the list."  This has lead to speculations that Dark Force is actually the property of Chris Jericho who was known in the WWE for his list gimmick with many believing the person that is often in the videos looking like a Tripp Eisen impersonator is just there to throw viewers off. 

 

     If you are looking forward to the release of The Dead Pit please check back tomorrow for more news on it!

Horror Fan Turns Movie Collecting Hobby into Successful YouTube Career; Haters Forced to Buy Movies Like the Losers They Are

 

     YouTuber and movie reviewer Byron Miller has turned his passion for movie collecting into a successful YouTube channel.  Miller started showing off his movie collection six years ago on YouTube and over time he has slowly gained a substantial following.  His movie update and quick movie reviews has caught the eye of several film distribution companies who now send him product to feature on his channel.  "I never expected this to happen" Miller told Horrorable News.  "When I crossed 20k subscribers I started getting emails from companies that I've collected for years asking to showcase their newest releases.  I couldn't pass this up and now I get new releases every few days from several outstanding companies.  It does ruffle a few feathers among the movie groups but I don't lose any sleep over it."  Miller said while laughing.  "It's not like I'm going to cry myself to sleep knowing someone I don't know turned me into a meme because I get movies for free that they spend $20 and $30 a piece for."

 

     Miller's success has caused controversy among other collectors and movie snobs.  "It's so fucking stupid" said movie collector Chris Dryer.  "He shows the front and back of the movie and these companies give him this shit for free while I'm over here doing nothing with my time and bitching for free shit.  It makes absolutely no sense.  Hell, I could record a video, edit it, and then upload it but I don't want to invest that much time into it." 





Indie Horror Actress Loves Her Social Media Fans; Asks for Less Dick Pics

 

     Indie horror actress Marigold Gorebottom has made a name for herself over the last few years for her topless appearances in the indie horror productions Big Breasted Aliens from Uranus, The Double D Killer, Sorority Slasher Slashing Sorority Babes, and as an extra in Maid in Manhattan.  Because of her bare all approach to her roles she has earned a considerable following on her social media accounts.  "I love my fans" Marigold told Horrorable News.  "They are like my second family.  I spend hours every day interacting with them. They really do mean the world to me."

 

     All this fame has a price Marigold says.  "I do get a lot of dick pics.  Don't get me wrong, I'm a woman and I enjoy sex too but some of these things shouldn't be shared with the world. I may get one that makes me want a nibble out of 100.  The rest of odd shaped or discolored.  Like, why are they green, curved, and twisted to the side?  What are you doing to cause that and why would you share it with me? I would just like to ask fans to refrain from sending me all these dick pics.  If I want dick I'll go to Pornhub or watch the news."  



Florida Man Embarrassed for Answering "Jason" When Friend Asked Who Was Doing the Killing in Friday the 13th

      Brett Wimmer of Florida is in the news this week for his reckless abandonment when answering horror trivia.  It happened Monday 7/1 when Brett was with several of his friends.  They often gather together to watch horror movies, drink, and ask each other horror trivia. "It's a fun way to pass the time while watching movies" Brett told Horrorable News.  "We usually ask each other some real stumpers to show our horror dominance.  I can't believe I was caught off guard like that with something so simple."

     Horrorable News was able to speak with Brett's friend Ron who asked him the controversial question.  "I was drawing a blank and the question popped in my head so I just fired it off.  I was sure he would say Pamela but he didn't.  What a dumb fuck.  I mean, he's not wrong I guess if you say Friday the 13th part II or whatever.  I didn't say that so he's still a try hard poser!"

     Brett has since backed out of all horror groups after hard criticism and ridicule.  He has asked Horrorable News and other horror sites to send over thoughts and prayers for this troubling time. 

Scream Factory To Put Out Collector's Edition of Ryan Nicholson's Gutterballs 2: Balls Deep

LOS ANGELES, California -

Scream Factory, the company known for their Collector's Editions of horror and B-movies, announced today that they have secured the rights to Ryan Nicholson's Gutterballs 2, which was supposed to have come out years ago, but never did due to a mix of legal and other "unknown issues."

"We're excited to be able to put this out, and we have packed the disc with special features," said Scream Factory in their Facebook post. "The cover art is TBD, but will be coming from Devon Whitehead. The planned release date is October 3rd. We will have more information soon!"

Although many people who are casual fans of Nicholson's say they are excited to see the movie, there is still a huge controversy that was not resolved in the post from Scream Factory.

"I already dropped $200 on this movie during the campaign, and I didn't get shit," said angry fan Marc Dyer. "I am not going to fucking pay another cent for this movie, and I better get a free copy of the Scream version."

Nicholson allegedly took in nearly $20,000 in an online funding campaign for Gutterballs 2, but no product ever surfaced. That campaign ended in December of 2014. As of this writing, all contributors have just been patiently waiting, hoping for a glimmer of light at the end of a never-ending tunnel, but even with this announcement, the light has gotten dimmer.

Horrorable News reached out to Scream Factory about their reaction to fan backlash, but they said they "didn't know anything about it."

"If there are copies that are owed from a previous purchase, that has nothing to do with us," said Scream Factory. "They will have to take that up with Ryan Nicholson. We will not be handing out free copies to anyone from a prior purchase. That said, after Gutterballs 2 we do plan to release his entire back catalog, as well as some other never-before-released films. We're really stoked!"

"Man, this is total bullshit," said another frustrated campaign purchaser, Robert Thomas. "I threw down hundreds in anticipation of getting blu-rays of not just Gutterballs and Gutterballs 2, but also there was an announcement for Gutterballs 3! Fuck all of this shit."

Horrorable News also tried reaching out to Ryan Nicholson to find out more about his plans regarding getting copies of the movie to people who'd paid years ago, but he blocked us on social media.

Horror Movie Campaign Contributors Upset To Find Out Their New $100 Blu-rays Are Not Made of Solid Gold

STATEN ISLAND, New York -

An increasing number of campaign investors who just today spent hard-earned money to buy massively overpriced Blu-rays of the new indie horror film Fart The Clown Returns are outraged and taking to social media to complain that the discs are not made of solid gold.

"Frankly, I'm bullshit," said Carl Judge, 30. "I plopped down $100 on a Blu-ray of Fart the Clown Returns, because I assumed that at that outrageous fucking price, it was going to be a solid gold collector's edition. Imagine my surprise to learn that it's just a regular movie in a normal blu-ray case. And signed, too, but by a bunch of people I've never heard of, so what value is that?"

It wasn't just Judge, though, who was upset. While there were people excited to throw down a full month's rent to purchase a mug and a poster and happily shared the campaign with their 1% friends, most normal horror fans and other indie producers and directors were flabbergasted at the response.

"I created a pretty big cult movie myself, and when I tried to crowdfund just a few thousand to help get a sequel off the ground, it went nowhere," said filmmaker Mark Coke. "It's a bit disheartening, honestly. I guess instead of the normal $30 t-shirts and $20 blu-rays that I was offering for perks, I should have been charging $150 for a mug and $85 for a DVD. That's probably a much easier way to make over $100,000 in a single day."

There were some fans who were very excited to see a new, generic killer clown movie would be coming soon.

"I was overjoyed to be able to get involved in this campaign," said Flora Richardson, 22. "I watched the first Fart movie on Netflix, and oh my God it's so scary and intense! It's the scariest movie I've ever seen, and so violent, oh my God. Oh my God. I loved it. I was scared and covered my eyes a lot, but I loved it. So when I heard about Fart 2 I wanted to be a part of it, so I asked my Daddy if I could borrow a few thousand and I was able to get a social media shout-out and a pin and my name in the 'thank you' section at the end of the movie. It's going to be so cool!"

The filmmaker behind Fart the Clown Returns could not be reached for comment, as presumably he was busy laughing all the way to the bank and making fun of stupid horror fans. The new film comes out at some point next year, but who gives a shit, because you probably can't afford to buy a copy right now anyway.

Horror Fan Believed Fake Post on Blogger/Blogspot

 

 

     An Oregon man is making headlines today when he admitted on social media to believing a news article posted on a blogger blogspot page instead of an actual dot com.  Martin Rutherford, 26, told Horrorable News that he "thought it was real."  "I was just browsing through my feed when I saw the article.  I didn't think anything about it and I shared it in a horror group I'm in.  Next thing I know people are commenting about how I'm an idiot and a piece of shit.  Instead of just telling me it was a fake news article they decided to beat me down.  Not cool, man."

 

     The article in question was written by the notorious fake news site Horrorable News that falsely reported that an infamous no budget extreme horror film was being picked up for major distribution.  Martin, however, was not the only one to fall for the faux article.  Several others believed the article in question and even tagged the director himself congratulating him on the deal. 

 

     "Going forward I will pay closer attention to the source of the articles, as well as, checking the expiration date on the milk in the fridge.  I will not make those two mistakes again."  

Paula Dean Cookware to Star in Paranormal Activity Reboot; Will Suply Their Own Stunt Doubles for Production

 

     It was recently announced that Jason Blume and his production powerhouse Blumehouse will be rebooting the found footage franchise Paranormal Activity.  The news was met with mixed feelings among horror fans.  Regardless, Jason Blume is marching on with his remakes and Paranormal Activity is now in pre-production.

 

     The first bit of news from the project was announced today when Blume and celebrity chef Paula Dean inked a deal for her cookware to star in the next five Paranormal Activity films. "Fans of the original series of films will love this bit of casting for the film" Blume told Horrorable News.  "We want to keep the found footage aesthetic as real as possible so we will be using low grade cameras to give that home video vibe and we wanted pots and pans that would stand out against the dull backdrop.  Paula Deans' pots and pans are bright and vibrant.  Fans will love how they fall off the counter and the splash of color will really make for an eerie cinematic moment."

 

     Blume has hinted at a possible deal with the restaurant chain Cracker Barrel to cast their rocking chairs in the film as well which is a genius move on the horror tycoon's part.  EVERYONE has sit on those rocking chairs while waiting on family and if you have to have a rocking chair rocking ominously why not have the best? 

 

     Stay tuned for more news from Paranormal Activity and Jason Blume.  



Instagram Spooky Chick calls everyone "boils and ghouls"

In the over saturated, narcissistic world of horror fandom on Instagram, where you just need huge knockers and tattoos to gain thousands of followers, Spooky Chick/Model IvanaGoresAlotXxX wants to distance herself from other like profiles that litter the platform, by trying to create a "unique and singular user experience" for her followers. 

How will she do this you may ask? 

"Like, I want them to feel like they are in a club. Like, no one else is doing this, ya know?  So, like, I might as well be the one, right?  I call them my 'boils and ghouls'. Like, you know....like....boys and girls!" Ivana told Horrorable News. 

Every one of her daily posts are headed with "Evil Morning my boils and ghouls!" Each photo is of her wearing a "horror t-shirt" that shows off far more of her cleavage than the movie she's advertising, and her holding a DVD from her collection, partially in frame.

"I have fans that, like, send me movies all the time to take pictures with.  Like, I haven't seen any of them, but they all look so spooky, don't they?! If you have any movies you want me to hold in my pictures, send them my way! I love all things spooky!"

We here at Horrorable News love breasts as much as the next red blooded american, but we didn't wanna break it to her that every other "spooky chick" on instagram does the same thing.  What do we know however, as she has well over 30,000 followers to our 12.  She obviously has it all locked down.

Slipknot Announces New Line of Whiskey to Stay Relevant; Goth Moms that Don't Drink are Excited For It

 

     Slipknot is a nu-metal band that came to fame in 1999 with the release of their self-titled album Slipknot in case you didn't know their name.  The band would go on to become one of the biggest metal acts of the 2000s along with bands Korn, Limp Bizkit, and Marilyn Manson.  Like the other bands, Slipknot has faded in popularity but still have a strong fan base.  Yesterday the band announced a new line of whiskey in hopes of winning back some of the fans they've lost.  "It was a business move we have discussed for years and decided it was time to finally do it" said the Slipknot dude that is also in the band Stone Sour that is loved by soccer moms and guys that also listen to Aaron Lewis' solo albums.  "We noticed our crowds are getting smaller and smaller so we thought it would make sense to get them good and drunk with our own brand of whiskey.  They would tell friends and those friends would tell their friends.  Before long people will want to see us live again because who doesn't want free shots and metal?"

 

     Tammy Wiseau of Michigan is one of the few remaining Slipknot fans that is excited for this news.  "I was in college when I first heard Slipknot live.  It was such a fun show.  I don't remember a lot about it because I kept doing shots at the bar but I remember having a lot of fun.  I don't drink too much anymore.  I don't want to be that person anymore especially after having two children that now depend on me but that doesn't mean that when they get older I can't open the bottle and reminisce about how fun it was to be drunk at a Slipknot show."

 

     Instagram model graveflower666 is also a goth mom and fan of Slipknot.  "I love Slipknot but since I had Edward and became a mother I can't really drink anymore while I'm breastfeeding.  And before you even ask, Yes I did name him after Edward from The Twilight Saga."

 

     The new whiskey, No. 9, will feature whiskey made from the finest corn Iowa has to offer that will be a "smooth drink for the maggots out there wanting to party in the pit." 



Horror Hipster Selling Some Stuff to Cover Rent After Paying $400 for a VHS Tape

 

 

     Horror Hipster Gregory Stalls is back in the news this week after he spread himself a little too thin last week.  Gregory is an avid horror fan that prefers to watch movies on VHS or Netflix using his friends account.  "I can't stand these new formats.  If a movie is only available on DVD or bluray I will record them on VHS before I watch them" Gregory told Horrorable News.  His love for VHS runs so deep that he has let that obsession almost ruin his life.  "I'm about to be homeless if I can't sell some of my stuff to cover this month's rent.  I've been on the hunt for a rare VHS for months and finally found a copy on eBay for $400.  My friend Toby tried to stop me because the movie is a lot cheaper on DVD or blu but it's not the same, ya know. So I sank $400 and now my rent is due.  I'm already on thin ice with the landlord and this is the sixth or seventh time that I've missed rent because I bought VHS."

 

     Right now Gregory has several items posted to various horror groups on Facebook in hopes of making some quick cash to pay rent.  "I posted a few doubles I had on VHS and beta in a few groups but I don't have any bites.  I figured when I posted with PM me for prices that I would be flooded with messages but no luck."

 

     We expect Gregory to host another crowd funding campaign to cover rent in the next few days.  Stay tuned for that if you want to help out this horror hipster.   

Horror Satire Site Trying Too Hard to Be "The Hard Times of Horror"

     There is a new horror site that has not been making fives to tens of people laugh with their horror related satire that is now under fire for trying too hard to be the horror version of The Hard Times.  The site in question is Horrorable News.  Their articles "Horror Edgelord Comments Yawn," "Man is Still Waiting for His Vinegar Syndrome Order," and many more have been shared two or three times in various horror groups.  While many find these articles humorous and in good fun, there is a few that can't stop auto-fellationing long enough to laugh at themselves.  Horrorable News was able to speak with Horrorable News founder Mark Brewster who said "HN was my way of making fun of myself and the horror community in general.  Horror and exploitation are my real passion but the community as a whole is pretty toxic.  Fans of the genre are rather cutthroat and often turn on other fans instead of befriending those with similar interests.  With HN I wanted to make fun of the shit talkers, the pop horror fans, the toxic commenters, the abusive horror group admins that smell their own farts, along with the other horror news that people honestly just don't care about." 

 

     Horrorable News' humor doesn't always find it's mark.  Some of the people that are the basis for these articles usually don't find them funny.  Roger Waltrip of the horror group Horror Maniacs and Erotic Affixation is one of those people.  "This site is trying too hard to be The Hard Times of horror"  Roger told Horrorable News.  "The articles are not real or anything that is considered news.  Just yesterday these jack offs said that Sarah Huckabee was going to be in a porn.  Like that would ever happen!"  Mary Bethers of the group Horror Collectors and Titty Twisters said "Horrorable News is a fake news site that is just using click bait articles to trick people into viewing their poorly written trash."

 

     Horrorable News, unlike the fake news site Horrorable News, would like to go on record and state that we would never stoop so low as to use funny headlines just for views.  We always report real news and we ALWAYS return our shopping carts to the cart corrals because we are not lazy pieces of shit.  

Horror Edgelord comments “yawn” to your post

Sean Flotz, 23, spent most of his day like any other, wasting every second mindlessly scrolling through Facebook at his local library, while 5 other people waited for their turn. Most of them had completely legitimate reasons to be there, but Sean didn't care. Nothing gave this pointless piece of human trash more joy than shitting on everyone's day with completely useless negativity.  Meme groups never made him laugh.  Recipes his mother posts were all disgusting piles of slop to him. Ignorant unsolicited hateful political opinions ran from his mouth like a broken faucet.  

Don't even get this writer started about his film opinions! If the horror movie was made after 1989 it was horseshit and he was gonna let you know about it.  You liked a movie where no one was gutted and raped by a pack of old white men?  "Fucking Newb," he would say like a stunted neanderthal. 

Another day in the life of Sean Flotz, internet horror douche canoe. This is what he lived for.  

You, average Joe/Jane six-pack decided to voice your opinion about something you felt passionate about. You loved something so much that you dared to want to start a conversation about it with fellow horror fans on your only outlet in life, the internet.  The excitement in your fan love for this thing was so overwhelming, that you wanted to share it with other great people looking for the same thing.

This was just easy pickings for Sean Flotz, micro-penis mouth breather.  His day had been building to this one laser focused blast.  The 15 people now bugging him to get off the library computer meant nothing to him.   Neither did the fact that he had already pissed his pants twice today.  Not even his girlfriend, who got sick of his self absorbed nonsense and left him for a nice guy, couldn't steal this moment away from him. 

Like a big game hunter spotting easy pray, this was his time to strike.  He couldn't just scroll over it and move on with his day.  He had to let you know what a complete and utter bore you are to him.  EVERYONE needed to know what a "basic newb horror bitch" you are. 

So Sean did the only thing he could, he responded to your thread in HORROR FANS UNITE with one single word: YAWN. 

Feeling sufficiently snarky and satisfied with himself, Sean leaned back and waited for the responses to come pouring in. 

None did.  He waited almost an hour for any sort of response. Numerous other comments came through not even remotely giving his the time of day.  It was almost like no one had read it.  Like he didn't exist.  The world moved on and ignored his useless bullshit.  

The library however kicked him out, baring him from ever using their facility again, and disinfected his seat. 

Sarah Huckabee to Leave White House to Star in Pet Sematary Porn Parody as Church the Cat

 

 

     Cock Burn Entertainment has just announced some major news for their upcoming porn parody Wet Semontary.  Late yesterday press secretary Sarah Huckabee announced that she would be leaving the White House which caught most of America off guard.  Today Barry Whitehead, CEO of Cock Burn Entertainment, has announced that Sarah Huckabee is the first to be cast in Wet Semontary.

 

     "We are pleased to have her join in what would be an unforgettable film" Barry told Horrorable News.  "With this being her first film we didn't want to over do it so we cast her as a secondary character as Church the Cat.  The other role she auditioned for was the couch pillow the men clean themselves on after the scene but we felt that would be a weak character for such a strong actress.  We also inked a five film deal with her and it depends on how this turns out before he offer he other bigger roles.  Right now she is eyeing a leading role in our Dongzilla: Fuck all the Cuntsters as Space Dongzilla."  

 

     Horrorable News has reached out to Sarah to comment on her casting and received the following reply "I am the master of the clit.  Remember this fucking face.  Whenever you see clit you will see this fucking face."  Weird flex but we support you Sarah. 

Mick Garris and Adam Green engage in fart sniffing contest to the death. Jason Blum refs

Two giants of the horror podcasting / film making community came together today in an officially sanctioned, winner take all event.  After years of hosting podcasts that claimed to be about the guests they had on, but always rounded back to being about themselves, Jason Blum asked Mick Garris and Adam Green to come together to find out who was the biggest "fart sniffer of them all".

"A kumite level, battle to the death, is the only way we can figure out WHO is the most egregious self shill in the world, as we know there can only be one," Blum told Horrorable News.

The two Horror titans trained for one week, podcasting almost endlessly about the various movies and events they have been a part of, famous people in the business they know, and projects they have in the pipework that they can't necessarily discuss but want to let you know about.   Exhausting listeners with the same stories they've relayed hundreds of times over years of endless talking, Garris and Green walked into the area with hardened wills of steel.

Knowing that this contest could take days, Blum pulled out all the stops, making this an internet wide streaming event.  Garris and Green knew the crossover appeal and had been building it up on their respective shows and websites.

Once the two were in the arena, staring face to face, Blum lowered his hand between them and the flatulence began, with Garris letting out a low gurgling fart that smelled of raw sewage.

"I thought I was gonna barf for sure," commented front row spectator Bran Spankage, long time Hatchet fan and 39 year old Wal-Mart stocker.

Not missing a beat, Green let out a quick punctual bleat from his tightened anus, bringing to mind a pop gun shot.

The two of them started wafting the aroma's into their nasal cavities, reveling in the sensory delights, much to everyone's disgust.

"I better get comfortable, this could go on forever" Jason Blum told the audience after slipping a plug in for the potential next installment of the Halloween series.

We here at Horrorable News will keep you up to date on any further developments in this story.

That Guy You Pissed Off in the Horror Group CAN Kick Your Ass and Here's Why

 

     Every horror fan has done it.  You were in one of the thousands of horror groups that are identical to all the others just commenting on different posts when boom!  it happens.  You pissed someone off accidentally.  Sure, no one gives a fuck that you don't like the American Guinea Pig series but you have every right to say that but now someone that you don't know is pissed.  You make jokes about him being mad but that only makes matters worse.  Now, he's threatening to kick your ass.  You play it off as someone bashing a keyboard but that's not the case.  He can and will kick your ass and here's why.

 

     This guy more than likely said something along the lines of "I've fought bigger people than you before" or "I've fucked bigger guys than you in the ass while in prison."  You should believe him especially if he tags someone that you don't know for verification that he is as tough as he said.  Two people making these claims on the internet makes it true.

 

     Another reason you should prepare for an ass whoopin' is because weak beta males don't threaten people on the internet.  If someone is in the horror group handing out free ass whoopins then you better believe he has the experience to make you cry uncle.  He doesn't do it for recognition.  If he wanted to be recognized he would make his face his profile picture and not an anime character.  Nah, this man hands out these ass whoopins to keep the world in check. 

 

     He has the time to find you.  He does so you better be on the look out.  These guys that start shit in these groups do so because they know they have the time to finish it. They usually something along the lines of "I'm between jobs" or "I wasn't getting the respect I deserved so I quit."  Regardless of the reason these people typically have time on their hands and they will find you. 

 

     Finally, he has paralyzed you with fear.  You may like to voice your opinion on the internet when no one asked you to but you can't stand confrontation so the second he made the threat you felt the icy cold hands of fear grip you by the spine.  He has already won and didn't lift a finger.  That keyboard can't protect you now.  All you can do is accept your fate and prepare to be beat like a conservative man beats his dick while he watches trap porn while his wife is away. 

 

    

 

     



Straight Horror Fan Wants to Know If He Can Watch The Babadook If He's Not Gay

 

     Being straight is a lot of hard work in today's society.  We are in the middle of pride month and several companies are now showing their support for the LGBT community by repackaging certain products and donating proceeds from the sales to the LGBT community.  Straight men are personally feeling attacked by these decisions because they are no longer the center of attention. 

 

     One person affected the hardest by this is Michigan's Dan Rutherford.  Dan is an avid horror fan that has slowly been building his collection over the years and planned on buying the 2014 horror film The Babadook.  Now he's afraid his purchase of the film would wrongfully label him as gay.  "What if my friends see the rainbow spine on my shelf" proclaimed Dan.  "They will think I'm gay or one of those bi dudes you hear about on tv.  I really want to see the movie but I just can't risk being labeled as gay."

 

     Dan is referring to the Scream Factory Pride release of The Babadook that comes with a rainbow printed sleeve.  We spoke with Dan and suggested he pull the sleeve off the release and throw it away or tell his closed minded friends to eat a bag of dicks.  Dan has yet to respond to our suggestions but we will update you guys once he does.  



Tinder Date says she’s a horror fan, cites IT as her favorite movie.

After months of swiping left on the single women in his community via the social dating app Tinder, Steve MacDonald, 25, thought he had finally found the woman of his dreams Thursday night. After looking through all her pictures, (mostly of her and 4 other women and usually with snapchat animal filters turned on) Steve found the exactly the key to their ongoing love.

Teresa, 23, stated in her bio to be a horror fan. Knowing that this is akin to discovering Atlantis or finding a unicorn in the wild, Steve swiped right post haste.

Much to his surprise, she connected with him instantly.  Steve, unable to contain his excitement leaped from the toilet and ran around screaming "YES" for 2 minutes. After chatting for an hour on the app, the two decided that they wanted to get a coffee at a neighborhood shop later in the week.

In the coming days, Steve held whole conversations about the ranking order of Guinea Pig movies and how they would match up with hers. He put together movie night playlists of the most obscure Naschy movies he could think of.  Then he thought about if they would be Tor Johnson and Vampira for Halloween this year. Planned a trip to Cinema Wasteland in October.  His spirits soared like they never had before.

Throwing on his old Fright Rags Phenomena shirt, Steve strutted down to the coffee shop to meet Teresa. After getting their respective drinks and sitting down outside, the conversation began in earnest, and they were hitting it off quite well.

Then the big moment happened:

Steve asked Teresa what her favorite horror movie was.  After a little giggling, she came out as saying she "didn't watch much horror but LOVED the new IT movie. Aren't clowns so spooky?!"

"Oh....yeah I suppose..." Steve responded.   Crushed, and knowing that he had been duped, Steve proceeded to down the rest of his coffee in 5 minutes and wish her a good night. 

Steve, in a post date interview, told Horrorable News of his disappointment and that he would forge on.  "Sure she was nice, cute, and we got along and all, but I can't be with someone who's favorite movie is that clown bullshit.  No way.  I have standards."

As of this writing, Steve is now on Tinder, Bumble, Coffee Meets Bagel, Badoo, Hinge, and Plenty Of Fish to find his gore soaked goddess.

Local werewolf shunned by community after his affair with furry goes public.

On the heels of a triumphant congressional nomination in the Wolfman senate, Thaddius Volkstien's political career was handed a swift and unanimous deathblow today when it was leaked that he had been having a long standing affair with local furry Foxy Swiftbottom today.

While he still hasn't made a public statement on the incident, the internet is currently ablaze with Twitter hashtag #furrgate trending 3rd.

High standing werewolves in the community have been heard claiming this as "shameful", "debaucherous", and "an abomination to the species".  Leaked photos show Thaddius throwing money all over Foxy's huge stuffed breasts in a seedy hotel earlier this year, along with numerous lewd snapchat photos.

"What's next?  Sex with Stuffed animals?" Shouted Monster News Network anchor Ike Rogane on the highly popular show Furr Wars.

Whether or not Thaddius will recover from this scandal is yet to be known, but the turn in monster sexual intolerance has been on the increase since Slug President Ronald Dumpster was elected 2 years ago.

This reporter can't wait for this reign of terror to be over with, honestly, and fears for the future of Monster politics. We here at Horrorable News wish Thaddius the best in these troubled times.

Jackhole builds eBay empire on selling Slipcases for more than the Movie is worth

"Well if I sell them, I clearly state it’s just the slip. Plus I’m not making anyone pay me anything. If they want to spend $15 or $20 on just the slip who am I to tell them not to?" proclaimed internet shit heel Chas Ignarmen.

For months, post by post, he has been building an empire off the backs of desperate horror collectors that slept on early deals, by price gouging DVD/BluRay slipcases on eBay well after they are available to the mass public, making their price exceed the movies by sometimes 70%.

"I used to buy up limited run copies of new underground releases and sell them for 4 times the price when they were all gone, but now, this is too good to be true," Chas told Horrorable News to our astonishment.

Regardless of the countless 1 star reviews on eBay and numerous facebook selling groups, Chas remains determined and is reaping the benefits of raking unsuspecting fans over the coals.

Indie Horror Filmmaker Announces 'Groundbreaking' Movie Idea, Needs Your Help To Fund His New 'Friday the 13th' Fan Film

Falltown, Kentucky -

Indie horror filmmaker Ryan Fitz announced on social media this morning his groundbreaking horror idea, and he's asking for help from the horror community to get it done.

"I have been dry for new ideas lately after my last movie, Killer Clowns From Inner Space, and wanted to come up with something that no one had ever done before," said Fitz. "When I started thinking about all the great horror films there have been, the one that stands out the most to me is Jason and Friday the 13th. I am going to take it upon myself to add a new story to the mythology behind the Jason character!"

Fitz launched his Indiegogo campaign today as well, looking for funds to get his new project off the ground.

"All we need is roughly $42,000 to make this thing a reality," said Fitz in his campaign video. "I know that horror fans want something new and fresh, and I'm going to give it to them with this new film. Nobody has ever made a Jason fan film before that I've ever heard of, so I know this will get everyone really pumped."

When Horrorable News asked Fitz about the legalities behind what he was asking, and what he wanted to do, he scoffed at the idea there could be any repercussions.

"I know what you're thinking - I didn't get permission to do this, so I can't really make any money, but it's okay because see they're in litigation right now, so it's hard for anyone to sue me," said Fitz. "Plus, once the movie is done, we'll put it online for free so it's all okay in the eyes of the law. Yes, I'm going to sell posters, t-shirts, DVDs, and Blu-rays during the campaign, but I'm going to make sure we only break even, and every penny we make over that will get donated to some charity or something. Seriously, it's all good, I promise you."

You can search for Fitz's campaign on Indiegogo, and if you can't find it, then we suggest you donate to any of the other 6 Friday the 13th fan films that are currently in production, all slated for release this year.

Filmmaker Lucifer Valentine's True Identity Has Finally Been Made Public and People Are SHOCKED!

Los Angeles, California -

Filmmaker Lucifer Valentine is well known in the underground horror scene for creating a slew of movies so vomit-inducing, they're referred to as the Vomit Gore series. All of Valentine's work contains some real, graphic items - such as vomit or urine - and mixes it with special FX like blood and gore to create a unique film viewing experience.

The one thing that has always remained a secret from nearly everyone, though, is Valentine's true identity. Though he has worked with many actors and actresses over the years, including horror film actors-turned-directors The Soska Sisters, no one has ever revealed his true identity until today.

"Honestly, when I heard it, I couldn't believe it," said horror fan Dan Ellis. "I've been a fan of his nasty films for years, and I never would have guessed that's who it was."

"I've been friends with him forever, and even I didn't know!" said filmmaker Fred Vogel, the director behind the underground classic August Underground's Mordum, which recently was announced for a Criterion release coming this fall. "When he finally came clean and let everyone know, it kind of blew me away. Frankly, I shouldn't be shocked...but I am!"

Horrorable News asked for permission to release the name publicly in an exclusive, but were denied the right to release his true identity.

"I've started to tell my friends, some of whom probably had guesses, but others had no clue," said Valentine. "I still can't go fully public because it would completely decimate the entire concept of this secret, faux-vile filmmaker that I've spent years developing, but I can say that anyone who really watches my movies can probably figure it out. It's not like it's that hard to put the pieces together."

We reached out to The Soska Sisters, Valentine's most famous stars, who continue to refuse to comment about their work on his film, as talentless hacks trying to bury their history tend to do.

Horror collector wonders how many copies of Gutterballs he really needs

Sioux City, South Dekota

This day was one that 28 year old horror aficionado/collector Brad Stanchading, had been anticipating for years now.  After buying every variant DVD, Blu Ray, and VHS copy he could find, along with all the associated merch he could get his mits on, Brad would be getting the final copy of his favorite film in the mail today.  Every 15 minutes he looked out the window to see if the mail lady had dropped off the package.  The 4 double sized Monsters he had drank didn't help matters, as his nerves were shot and his mind was running on overdrive.

Then it happened.

At 1:47 PM the doorbell rang and he ran to the front door with a quickness that he had never harnessed in his life.  The door exploded open and there, standing before him, was his local mail carrier holding the package he had been dreaming about since 2008 when the film came out.

After the closing the door, Brad ripped open the package, sending scraps of garbage flying everywhere.  Finally, he held it.  In his hands was the last piece of his collection. It was now complete.

In his head, the theme music to Chariots of Fire played as he imagined himself walking over to the movie shelf in slow motion.  The Japanese, purple disc, mondo inspired, ultra rape special DVD/BluRay/minidisc/UMD edition of Ryan Nicholson's Gutterballs was finally his and when he placed it beside the rest of his 30 copies of the film, he could swear he heard a 20 rifle salute happening somewhere in his neighborhood.

This feeling was not unlike the first time he had diddled himself to episodes of Are You Afraid of the Dark in his youth.  This was everything.  This was the greatest day of his life.

Slowly, Brad stepped back to finally admire and take the experience all in.

After 10 minutes of nonstop staring at his movies and 25 posts in every collectors group he was a part of on facebook, the universe suddenly sent him a thought bomb unlike anything he had ever experienced before in his life.

He then asked himself:

How many copies of Gutterballs do I really need?

Knowing that he had reached the pinnacle of the mountain, and that he had thoroughly documented the event, Brad grabbed all his copies except for the brand new one, that ironically was a region 2 copy he had no way of playing, and tossed them all into a garbage bag. After solemnly walking back to the fire pit in his back yard, he doused the lot with lighter fluid and set it ablaze holding one hand onto his heart, knowing that his life up until that point had been a sham.

As the toxic smoke from the fire slowly filled the nighttime sky, Brad whispered to the cosmos:

"Growing up sucks"

ToeTag Pictures Announces Fall 2020 Release of 'August Underground's Mordum' on Criterion Blu-ray

Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania -

Fred Vogel, owner of ToeTag Pictures, announced today that one of the company's most notorious films, August Underground's Mordum, will be hitting store shelves in a Criterion Blu-ray release in time for Halloween.

"We weren't supposed to say anything until August, just because of the joke, but I couldn't wait any longer to let everyone know - I'm super stoked on this release," said Vogel. "Criterion approached us well over a year ago, and said they were interested in Mordum. I let them have full access to every piece of footage I have, and they've done an incredible job with it."

Criterion, who are known for their extremely well put together releases of cinema's most highbrow films, have also in recent years put out several arthouse horror or vintage underground films, including Antichrist and John Waters' Multiple Maniacs. 

"Mordum looks like a billion dollar film with the care that Criterion has put into this release," continued Vogel. "They did a scan, somehow, of the VHS that we shot it on. They cleaned the thing up, but still somehow left it looking like straight SOV shit, just how it should. They also packed it with special features, but I'm not going to reveal what they are just yet."

Criterion spokesman Peter Mountain said that the company is "truly overjoyed" to be able to get Mordum out to the masses.

"At this point, the only people who've really seen Mordum are extreme horror aficionados, or people who blindly stumbled into it somehow," said Mountain. "We want to be able to take this movie to the next level. To let the entire world see it, in all its bizarre, disgusting, shot-on-video fucking glory, released in a beautiful new Blu-ray set, but still looking as raw as a maggot-riddled corpse getting raped."

The movie will be available this fall, with a tentative release date for October 1st.