Washington, D.C. -
President Donald Trump signed a new order late Saturday evening that would essentially ban the production of new horror films, whether by Hollywood filmmakers and studios, or by smaller, independent companies and individuals.
Calling horror films a "total drain on America's youth," Trump stated in a press conference that most horror movies are filled with gratuitous sex, violence, and obscene materials, and that was little need for that kind of conduct in the world of media and entertainment.
"While horror movies were, at one time, a staple of a generation, they have since become meaningless, raunchy, and far too disturbing," said President Trump in a prepared statement. "Making the production of horror films illegal is step one in my huge, huge plan to overhaul the media content our children have access to, and I believe it's one of the biggest steps."
The President went on to say that he does, over time, plan to retroactively eliminate all horror films that have ever been made available, including those that never made it past their original VHS release.
"We've procured some big magnets from the great, great manufacturers in China," said Trump. "We're going to gather up all the old VHS tapes, all the Texas Friday The 13ths and all the Child's Things and the Nightmare on Maple Streets, and run the big magnet over them, and erase them all. New movies on the discs will just be thrown into a chipper."
Trump said he is pulling back focus on the border wall to engage fully with the extermination of horror movies in the United States.
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